I'm George. I'm the featured star of an Instagram profile, but I don't own the account. I influence the opinions of my thousands of followers. My audience is loyal to me - they obey my commands, while I am forced to obey my "owner," Jon Pfeiffer.
I'm the on-camera personality for Jon's Instagram account. I'm the heart and soul of the account. If I were to fetch myself a performance deal with a different account, my audience would follow me. I am writing this exposé because it's time for Jon to play ball with me.
It's time for the - SQUIRREL - inequities of my deal to be resolved. Did I mention I'm a golden retriever?
Jon needs to throw me a bone, or at least a tennis ball. I like tennis balls. Tennis balls are great to chew on when they're new. They're even better when they smell like the beach. I like going to the beach. Jon takes me to Zuma Beach on Sundays for walks. I like walks. People pet me and tell me that I'm a good boy. I am a good boy. I wish Jon would treat me like a good boy and get me better brand deals. All I want is more kibble.
Jon's response to George's post. George doesn't have thumbs, so someone typed this for him. I suspect it was the cat.
Happy April Fools day.
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